my diary

need a break now..

2009-09-17T15:09:00.001+08:00

will be gone for a moment..

2009-09-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

telahku membuat keputusanku..
untuk bersendirian dlm hidupku ini..
jgn marahkan daku..
akan daku tetap menjadi sahabatmu..

alone..

2009-08-19T18:04:00.002+08:00

todae..
im alone now under the void deck..
love went east coast and im alone..
hope she is enjoying her time there now..
i dunnoe what to do now..
my laptop batt is die-ing soon..
i just miss those time..
but i know i cant ask or say anything more to her as she wont like it..
i will just wait now..
haizz..

sorry..

2009-08-18T17:42:00.002+08:00

hey hey earthlings!!
its been long since i updated my blog..the reason behind it is because my laptop was under repair..
now everything is okeyh and going on smoothly..BUT!
they repair my laptop and leave scratches here and there..wth!
okeyh back..
i will try to update asap now and then..
BUT!my exams are coming soo i wont be hanging around with my laptop that often now..
i need to study study study!
i need to maintian my GPA and go to POLY!!

okeyh about my LOVE life..
soo far, hopes is shining thru..
i hope it wont take long..hehe..
but i will keep on waiting..

syg..
im sorie if i keep asking u that qns..
im just joking..i like to see the reaction of ur face..
and thanx for the kiss at the cheek just now..
im still wondering why..
but i will wait for the ans..(=
i sygkn u and will tunaikan janji i pade u..
like i said..
im a guy of my words..hehe..(=
miss you syg..

help!

2009-08-18T17:38:00.002+08:00

i have been wanting to change my blogskin but i dunnoe what to change to..

haizz..anyone can help me now..?

i know someone can..hehe..

surprised morning..

2009-08-05T09:41:00.002+08:00

okeyh..hmm..

todae is a shocking morning for me..

but at the same time happy..haha!

lol i know..

i was like waiting for my love at the usual place..

i told her i was waiting there..

i thought she would be alone..

then tup tup tau2 ibu was there..

she was like smiling at me and i was like clumsily packing my things and

walk behind the two lovelies..

they were like talking about chalet..

periuk, kuali sume ader..

i was like smiling behind alone..

ibu was cute..

i guess thats where bby got her cuteness from..

haha!

then at the bus stop..

haizz..

paiseyy2..

i slm ibu..

then she asked me where i stay and i told her..

"dekat2 sini..209 umah nenek.."

ibu,"then umah sendiri.?"

me,"ngah renovation..dalam process pemindahan.."

ibu,"bagus bahasa melayu.."

me didnt heard that..

then bby told me what ibu says..

i was like..

rilli!!??!!paiseyy or what..

then ibu went off..

how sweet the daughter and mum kissing..

hehe..

then bby and me took a sardine bus..

actually worse!

sardine aru berape ekor pat dlm tin..

kite berpuluh2 kat dalam..

sigh..

and and!

depan bby ader nyonya tido..

slamat kepale dier tak terantuk kat kipas bby..(=

oklah..

gtg..

bbys hungry!

where rainbows end..

2009-08-05T09:26:00.003+08:00

waiting for the next full moon..

hello earthlings!!

hehe..i know its been hmm long that i have not updated my blog..

all that i updated is about my love..hee..

okeyh..

hmm..lifes been full of ups and downs and lots of confusion..

i have been moving slowly staying strong..

trying my best in whatever i do..

never giving up my passion..

never giving up my studies..

and never giving up my love life..

its been a tough year for me this year..

even when the year is not ending soon..

exams are coming and im yet to be prepared for it..

i guess i have to put my head or should i say my brain in my book..

soo that i could catch up with all the studies..

need to start studying everyday starting from now..

never to slack again..

i need to have a good feature..

for my love story and for my future..

okeyh next..

yesterday was kak bunny's birthday!

we celebrated it at simpang with isa,khai,cikgu,kak iffa,hirzie,nana,bby and me..

it was a good one i shall say..

i can see kak bani's eyes filled with tears when we sang her the bdae song..

(tears of joy i can say huh kak bani..hehe..)

then we all ate and ate till our stomach was full..

i didnt know i spent more then $10..

when i planned to save money..haiizzz..)=

then after eating, we all have a good chat and joking around..

then a tragedy strikes!

okok uh..

hirzie was attacked by a coackroache!

ok i know its like lol..

haha..not even a tragedy..

the coackcroache was at his collar..

then our hero Khai grabbed it and throw it stright to the road..

SQUASHED!

the coackroache died..

haha!

then bby keep saying that theres something crawling..

when it was my pants..-_-

well she was cuute..(=

then it was late soo i and bby say that we got to go..

and off all of us went home..

talk to bby on the way of sending her home..

and ask a question..

she told me she was not ready..

i know that would be the anwser..

soo i told her that i will wait till the next full moon..

will always be waiting..

bcuz i do really love her..

then when im going off i told her that i love her..

hee..

and off i went home..

where rainbows end..

2009-08-03T16:55:00.003+08:00

everythings changing now..
my life is turning around..
my happiness path is there for me to run after..
my life is going to be full of smiles now that she is there..
every morning i will be able to see her sweet face..
talking none stop..
people might find it irritating..
but to me, this unperfections is what makes it perfect when she is not with me..
her smile just makes my day..
her laugh puts a smile on my face..
her presence just makes me feel peace and happy..
she is what i need in my life..
giving me strength to live and survive..
she is the reason for me to study hard and i wont dissapoint myself and her..
i want a bright future for us both..
i want to have a stable financial and a well planned wedding with her..
insya'allah we will be berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat..
amin..

akanku berdoa padanya senantiasa demi memberiku kekuatan dan petunjuk..

berry bby..
i know i have done lots of mistakes in the past..
i have realised it all and im learning from it..
im happy that u r giving me a last chance now..
i wont hurt u anymore my bby..
i wont make this change gone just like that..
i want us back..
where rainbows end...
its true what happends has a reason..
and i guess this is the reason behind it..
letting us being exposed to mistakes and we learning from it..
i love u my bby..
my love for u just grow stronger day by day..
it just wont stop..

love,
choco..

im really happy

2009-07-31T21:53:00.002+08:00

im never gonna hurt u anymore syg..

i love u truly and u r my true love..

pls dont leave me anymore..

will..

2009-07-31T00:49:00.001+08:00

expressed everything to her on the phone just now..

shes confused..

i told her i wont say things that will make her confuse no more..

i will just try and go by the book..

but miracles might happend..

no high hopes..

but will have to move on..

hope her heart will open up and ans all her confusion..

one fine day..

i will pray for u always..

tc there..

lifes short..

2009-07-29T23:42:00.003+08:00

may your soul rest in peace my beloved teacher..

and may u get the best place in there..

Amin..

we miss you..

it feels deep..

2009-07-28T22:15:00.000+08:00

the end lee..
no more hurting urself please..
u r just putting urself in a spot lee..
no point crying over it..
it wont chage anything..
shes confuse and she treats u as her fren..
she still wants him but not u..
forget the past lee..
forget it bout being with her..
stop being an ss..
go on and move..
pls stop hurting urself..
pls..

pls dont put hope lee..

2009-07-27T18:04:00.002+08:00

had a short talk with her..

she told me that she cant say anything..

and told me dont be angry with her if i were to wait for her and in the end

she cant accept me..

people..

should i keep on waiting for her..?

bcuz my heart still needs her to be strong..

my love for her is still strong..

what should i do..?

where rainbows end..

2009-07-27T14:51:00.001+08:00

will the shattered glass im fixing fits back together..?

im trying my best in putting it together..

will you make it happend..?

sayings..

2009-07-23T15:23:00.002+08:00

let me be hurt putting the shattered glass piece back together..

then to be hurt walking across the shattered glass..

running away is not a solution,

as there lies strength and sincerity in me..

some guys dont have the courage to face after break ups,

but for me.. the courage pulls me up..

one more time i was asked to move on..

now i feel its easy to be said then done..

and im sorie..

hope she will be ok..

2009-07-16T23:02:00.002+08:00

todae went to school late..AGAIN!
then went to EIB class but teacher went for course..
soo i went C1 to meet shazni and danial..
we studied there..
me trying to absorb everything into my mind..
then went for the test..
damn i forgot all the formulaes..
i only manage to do the mcq..
i rilli need to buck up on my studies..
i have been failing my machines for all the test..
wth..

then finish school, went to meet love and rai..
me and love watch resident evil 3..
instead of watching the movie, i looked at her..
deep into her eyes..
just love her..

then she got to go for class..
me play game a while..
then when she is back, we continued watching it..
then she and atik watch another cinderella story..
then meet abg and kakak at c1..

then khai,rai,love and me plan to go qiji at cgh and breakfast as im visiting my dad there..
atik tagged along and she went off when we want to go to qiji after meeting my family..
at qiji..i told love that my parents are ok about me being with her alridy..
i wish i have told her all this earlier..
but then my dad told me about not repeating my pass..
that is when my ex left me, i totally lost focus of my life..
then she told me..to ingat what my dad pesan me..
and i told her im trying..and that i will always be waiting for her..
after breaking fast, we all were happily talking and had fun..
then she keep laughing and leaning on my shoulder..
when love did that, i feel like she still love me..
i could feel it even when she dont say it or show it..
this is what people call true love..
u can feel it even when it is not told or showned..

then after that we all went seperate ways..
rai and khai took 9 to bedok where else my family, love and i took 9 to afghan..
love went home straight from there..
i wanted to hug her..
she turn n look at my mum..
i say.."she dont mind"
i knew that she needed a hug cuz i saw her keep looking at her hp since in schl..
waiting for him to text her..
i can feel everything that she is facing...
read her blog just now and it was true..
i hope things will be better for her..
even if i cant make it better, at least i could lend a shoulder for her to cry on and an ear to talk to..
i just want the best for love..thats all..

love..i just read ur blog just now..
im sorie for looking at u when we are watching movie..
cuz i just love looking at u love..
then i know u r not ok when i saw u looking at ur phone at c1..
when u called someone and didnt ans it..
when u were expecting someone to call u or even msg u..
u were soo angry just now that u say something about my dad..
i dunnoe why u keep saying that kind of things..
its like as if u still love me deeply and that u want me back..
or u want me to take u back..
then i know u r missing him and that u love him..
but both of u r drifting apart..
i hope the best for both u..
but love..if u ever feel down n need to talk someone, im here..
my shoulder is urs to lean and cry on and my ears is urs to listen to..
i will always be here waiting for you..
i will move on being single..
move on doesnt mean i dont love u anymore..
moving on while loving u and waiting for u..
bcuz i know love that u dont like to see me in this situation..
i love you and i miss you..
tc my love..

thanx my friends..

2009-07-13T23:10:00.002+08:00

i just want to say thank you to Rendi, Rai, Khai, Joe, Shazni, Mon, Atik, Kak Ema, Abg Sim, Cikgu, my cousins, Zaki, Hadi and Syirah for being there for me..I love you people..without you i guess i would have fallen to the ground..not being able to pick myself up..

and to you..im sorie to say those harsh words to you..be happy with him..i will try to be what i want to be now..being single..leading a life and happiness of my own..love you..

rebah ke tanah..

2009-07-13T18:20:00.002+08:00

aku benar2 tidak dapat melupakannya dan teruskan hidupku..
melihatnya menari membuatku tersenyum..
tetapi pabila aku sedar bahawa dia bukan lelaki kekasihku,
aku rasa seperti ingin mengalirkan air mataku yang telah lamaku menahan..
aku tidak tahu jika dia masih menyayangiku..
aku tidak mahu paksanya bersamaku kembali..
tetapi adakah ia tidak adil untuk aku?
dia bergembira dan melupakan aku begitu mudah..
mala aku keseorangan dilukai berkali2..
menunggu kedatangannya kembali untuk aku mencintainya..

aku benar2 sudah tiada tenaga untuk belajar tanpanya..
esok ada periksa..tidak dapatku memahami pelajaran yangku belajar..
kerna fikiranku hanya padanya..
mengapakah aku harus hadapi ini semua??

tired!

2009-07-12T22:57:00.002+08:00

i just reach home from geylang with my family to eat durian..
today is a very tiring day for me..
and i injured my back in the process..
i need to transfer my things from my house to my uncels house at Macpherson..
tumpang brg pat umah my uncle before i move to my new house..
the came back need to sent my aunt thingi..
baju2 pengantin dier as she is a mak andam..
then went back and get ready to go geylang..
now im in front of my lappie with my eyes half closed..
sleepy and found out my fren told me 2moro my napfa test..
SURE NOT!?!?!im not ready siaa..
ok till here..

read her blog..
read something that i dunnoe but somehow i can feel..
but i dont want to give myself hopes anymore..
bcuz it keeps hurting and killing me..
just let her be happy lee..
like she say..
the decision she make is for our own good..
and thanx to my frens for making me strong this few days..
im sorie to make u guys feel sad and angry towards me..
she looks happy with him..
let her be lee..
just carry on with ur life..
she may not meant to be urs..
lee...sometimes what you want or you think is yours might not be yours at all..
and i will always keep this in mind..
i dunnoe whats her feelings towards me anymore..
lee..just move on like she asked u too..
she found her happiness alridy..
its time for u to find ur happiness..

sayings..

2009-07-11T23:35:00.001+08:00

it hurts when someone you love is there right beside you but you cant shower them with the love you had for them and to share your happiness with them..

love..

2009-07-11T23:33:00.002+08:00

to love..

im sorie if i did something wrong just now..
like looking at those pics..
and that i was in a bad mood just bcuz of it..
im sorie i wrapped my arms around u to let u to slp..
im sorie i kissed your forehead while you are aslp..
and im sorie for everything..

love..lee..

surprise for you..

2009-07-11T23:11:00.002+08:00

todae my soul friends and tarian friends are having their competition at suntec..
i told them i cant com as i need to pack my things as im moving house by the end of this month..
soo i was sad..

MORNING
i woke up early in the morning to pack my things and disassemble my bed and my sister's bed..
then i rush2 till berpeluh satu badan..
dah lah uat keje sorang as my parents not at home..
then mandi cepat2..

INTERCHANGE
at interchange..
was waiting for Zaki for half an hour..
first plan 1.15..
then i went out, Zaki say 2..
but i topld him i went out alridy..
but still we met at 2..
lol kan?

SCHOOL
i bought double cheese plain for my breakfast..
when reach schl, the percussion mates were eating macdonalds also..
soo i joined them and ate..
then i went in to salam the tarian-ians..
Love saw me..
she was surprise..(indeed it was a surprise meant for you love..)
then i walk2 and take pics as per normal..
photographer maa..
but that pictures in the cammie kills my heart..
but i try to stay strong and i did..
i smiled and have fun..

BUS
in the bus, everyone were enjoying themselves..
even i smiled and sing along..
it was a wonderful experience..
even though i cant sit with love..
at least i can see her laugh and smiles..
everytime i sing a love song, i really meant it..
cuz i can feel it..
then we reach at suntec..

SUNTEC
they had their last rehearse in the waiting room..
i took pictures and giler2..
then when looking at the pictures..
i saw those pictures again..
love with him..
that was when i cant control it alridy..
it kills me all deeply inside..
that was why i was not in the mood love..
its not bcuz of the video i took wrongly..
then after they perform, they get a well done comment..
congrats to all of you my soul-ians and tarian-ians mates!
then off we went to bus..

BUS
the bus was much more better then the one we took to go to suntec..
in there i sat alone..
trying to control my feelings..
everyone was asking if im ok..
i just say i am..
then while i was listening to my normal fanatic songs to release my stress..
love came and sit beside me to listen with me..
then i took out my wallet to take out Hadi's $10..
there my picture with her is still there..
i dunnoe if she notice it..
then she wanna slp..
she dunnoe how to slp..
then i wrapped my arm around her like memories and she fall straight to sleep..
love..at that moment when you lie on my shoulder and my arms wrapped around you..
i was just wishing that i could hold you and love you..never to let you go..
then she woke up..
yeah..
the moment stop there..

SCHOOL
they all get themselves off the costumes and make ups..
i went off early..
and sat at the memories place when love usually get stressed up..
i sat there hoping she would come..
but i know she wont..
then i walked out alone and thank goodness my soul-ians friends still there..
meet them and took bus to inter with them..
then went afghan to buy murtabak for my family..
blanje them..hehe..

HOME
here i am typing..
ok lol i know..=))

crazy me..

2009-07-08T09:49:00.002+08:00

u know what??
im in school now in cafe 1..
alone..lol..
i thot my class starts at 8 but it was at 10..
lol..
then i forgot i got the student assistant tingi..
tu pon when it was 9.45.. -_-
ok lah..
gtg..
class starting soon..

worried..

2009-07-07T20:06:00.002+08:00

today in class we all kena quarantine..
wth sia..
then we cant go anywhere..
food teacher tapao for us and we ate in class..

then after school got IRIR training again..
saw her there..
i want to talk to her..
but i scared she wont want to layan me..
then when training starts..
i saw her looking very sick..
having headache and she looks tired..
i was damn worried bout her..
then need to go home..
salam the rest and her..
she was looking at me and i was looking at her..
there was this silence..
but i ignored it..i have to for her to have her happiness..
then reach home read her blog..
she say about she not feeling well and all..
i was very worried..
but i cant do anything..
i can just pray for her health..

yana..
pls do take care of ur health..
if u r not feeling well, pls go and see the doctor..
you always advice me now its my turn..
pls keyh..
and do eat on time..
i know u wasnt feeling well just now bcuz u r fasting..
juz want to tell u its better if u fast mon and thurs keyh?
hari yang sunnah utk puase..
thats all..
lee will be hear if yana needs to talk to someone keyh?
love..
lee..

where are you..?

2009-07-05T22:39:00.002+08:00

you told me we could go to school together as per normal..
having our mickey and minnie plush keychain hang on our bags..
you say i could share my problems and talk to you..
where are you..?
i cant even reach you..
when im stressed up at home..
i cant talk to nobody now..
when i miss you..
you are not there..
even as a friend..
no you are not..
i know u dont want to hurt me more by meeting me and see u n him..
but no matter what, im still hurt..
you are starting anew 2moro..
i can see u rilli are working on it by kicking me aside..
nvm love..
no matter what u do to not or to hurt me..
my love for you wont change and i wont give up waiting for you..
i have earn the true love i have been searching and that is you..
thats why i wont let it go..
bcuz once you found it and let it go..
you might never find it back..

i need her..

2009-07-05T22:15:00.002+08:00

todae went bishan for aunt marrige..
look at her and the place reminds me of love..
but i know that she wont be thinking of me now..
then for the whole event i was feeling down..
cuz i cant share my happiness with her now..

then went to cikgu's chalet..
everyone asked my for you love..
it hurts me..
i know u still love me love..
but why this..?
i just smile and try to be strong even when my tears started to build..
then after everything..
we went home..
otw out..
there i saw iman and iza..
im just happy to see them..
they faced the same problem as us last time..
but they are still strong..
bcuz the mistake that they admitted and regret made their love stronger..
iza asked me..
"yana mane lee?"
love..u never know how deep it hurts me..
to hear that..
i was silent at a moment..
then i say u haave kenduri and smile..
even when it is a fake smile..
i know u hate to be the confused yana..
you have always been..
i gave you all..everything love..
my heart..my life..my love..my attention for you..
but why cant i be the one with you now?
u say i dunnoe..but u still go with him..
nvm love..i know u r still confused..
im willing to wait..
wait till u come back to me..
i know u still love me love..
n i believe fate will bring us toget again..
i know u r not strong love..
thats why im willing to be there for u everyday..
but now..i cant..cuz u wont even ans my text and calls..
just remember that i love you..
and no one can replace ur doings and ur place in my heart..
im not strong like you say i am..
im strong bcuz u made me strong..
like what u say in ur post..
now i cant be strong as the person that made me strong has gone with someone..
that she is strong with..
i hope u will be back for me to take like u told me before..
and i hope i can be ur true love like u told me before..
and i hope we can be US again like u told me before..
and i will hold to it..believing we will be together again..
thats why im still alone now..

moon..

2009-07-05T00:41:00.002+08:00

just reach home with my parents..
watch transformers..
i wish my fate was like Sam..
having her girl through ups and downs..
being there to make him stronger..
when we walk back home..
i can feel the moon looking at me..
talking to me..
about my promise to love..
31 october..
6 days after loves birthday was when i expressed my true feeling to her..
with the moon as the witness..
and now the moon is asking me to fight back for her..
and i will..
the moon smiiled at me..
people would say im crazy to say all this but i can feel it..
bcuz the moon knew my feelings for love thats why it is asking me to fight for love..
never to give up..
and i will never give up..
now im tearing into tears..
everynight..
wishing love would text me but..
i will just keep on waiting..
i hope what my cousins say is true..
they knew how i am when i fall in love with someone..
i wont give them up..
especially when i know love still loves me..
i see it in ur eyes love..
never deny love as it will hurt as time goes by..
i love you love..

i wish..

2009-07-04T20:26:00.000+08:00

everytime my phone rings..
i wish it was u..
but it wasnt..

wish to turn back time..

2009-07-04T20:22:00.002+08:00

todae and have been a chaos day for me..
almost did something stupid and rash..
sigh..
i now understand what happends when u did something wrong in the past..
even when u say that u regret..
they wont give u a chance..
bcuz they know they feel their love for u..
but maybe they dont want u anymore..
but i will just carry on waiting..
cuz im not giving her up..
people would say im crazy..
but i believe in my love and her love..
one day..i and her will be together again..

hurts but carry on..

2009-07-04T15:13:00.003+08:00

03 JULY 09
we plan to go schl together todae and go somewhere after that..
i plan to bring her to our places of memories..
all of them in one day..
i brought my camera to capture the moments of her happiness with me..
her smiles and teary eyes that is full of happiness and love when she is with me..
but it all breaks me into pieces..when i receive a call..
she told me she is sorie..
she is meeting him..
(in my heart was an arrow..drilling thru it..i break into tears and put down the phone..)
i was thinking at that point of time..when im with her, even if we plan something and suddenly she got plans with a friend, she dont mind letting me know about it..and i let her go..
but now..sigh..
i went for friday prayers with a bleeding heart..
there i prayed for her..and for us..
hoping we would be together again..

INTERCHANGE
she called asking me where i am..
and asking about the ezlink..
she asked if i want to go to schl with her..
i know it hurts but i missed her..
i went to meet her at inter first..
then coincidently met zaki and the rest..
she topped up her ezlink..
looking at her just makes me want to cry..
soo i stand alone at a corner..
she came and asked why..
i just kept quiet..
i want to say i love her..
but i know she wont change her mind bout meeting him..
even when he is late after telling her that he want to meet her..
(tell me when did i ever plan to go out with you and im late..?have i ever made u wait when we want to go out 2gether..?)
i just dunnoe what to say..
when otw to schl..
we talked about our feelings again..
i pretend to be strong..
then reach schl she met miss jill..
we continued after that..
i sent her to the bus stop..
we talked about the day i proposed to her..
i see the happiness in her eyes once again when she talk about it..
i know she wants it back but why doesnt she..?
then the bus came..
i said bye and walked off..
she came instead of boarding the bus..
i asked her why?
she ask me where i want to go..
i ask her why..?
bcuz she care for me..
i told her before cares came, theres always another word that come before it..
that is love..
her eyes went teary..full of love..
but why she denies that she still love me..?
then she tried to make me smile..
i smiled..
(u want to know why i smiled?bcuz i saw ur love for me smiling in ur eyes..thats why i smiled..)
but when she want to go.. and i saw the bus..
my heart hurts..she asked me to smile..
i cant..bcuz im sending her to another guy..
i just couldnt smile..
when she go..she didnt even text me..
she didnt even say anything..
it hurts me that i cried on the overhead bridge..
being alone..
looking at the vehicles beneathe me makes me feel like jumping..
but i didnt bcuz i still love you and i wont have the chance to be woth you when im dead..
i went for percussion..play instruments happy..
walk out of room sad..
hurt..
i just love her..
is this my punishment for loving you..?
then i cant bear it anymore that i burst everything out..
that i didnt even mean to say to you..
im sorie..
i better go now..
i cant help but to cry..

i regret my doings..

2009-07-04T14:49:00.007+08:00

2days i cant get to blog...
its like 2years the feelings of hurt as i cant express my feelings..
yest was the most hurtful moments and stupidest moments of me..
i didnt mean to say all that to her..
it just hurts me alot..
i talked to her otp at night..
i know she wont change her decision..

2 JULY 09
this would be the day that we celebrate our 6monthsary..
we met early in the morning and went for breakfast as per normal..
went afghan and ate nasi sambal goreng..
then we walk2 and bought ur manggis..
then took the bus..
she forgot to bring something soo we went down on the next stop and walk back..
(would any guy willing to do that for her?carrying the manggis and a heavy bag?)
then waited for her under her block while she go take her key..
at that moment all the memories came back like a video play back..
the time where i just knew her..
waited for her under her block..
rush there when she say she want to go and meet shikin..
took all the opportunity to meet her..
cuz i really love her deeply..
even now i do that but i try not to always as it hurts me looking at her with him..
then she came down and off we went to school..
walking with her to schl from the 17 bus stop just reminds me more of the memories..
we walked and we reach schl, cemta is under cleaning..
soo went to Cafe1 and join cikgu and the rest..
she ate the manggis..
i just love looking at her eating..
even when its the comot girl i know,
this unperfections that make it perfect when she left me now..
then training starts..

Training
i keep locking my eyes at her..
i love looking at her dancing and smiling..
but suddenly she became moody..
i know something must have happend..
i try to cheer her up..
i wish she was with me at that point of time..
cuz every sadness in her eyes i can see it..
and it hurts me looking at her in that state..
i truly and sincerely wants her back..
why cant i be given another chance..?
then i found out the reason..
the phone..that guy makes her unhappy..
i see sadness in her heart and eyes..
but when she look into my eyes, love is there..
(but why cant she accept me back..?)
i just continued cheering her up..
being by her side..
help her with her facebook..
at that point of time when she is near me..
i wish she was mind to hold forever..
after training..we went to eat at simpang bedok..

AT SIMPANG
i sat beside her..
we ordered and ate..
i paid for her drinks..
she want to pay me back but i asked her to keep it..
i looked into her eyes and told her keep it..
im sincere..i know she can see the love in my eyes..
(but i still dont get it why she cant accept me back..)
then its time to go home..
when at the bus stop, i say..
its 2nd july..
she ans..
it would be the sixth..
i said..
yeah..i wish we could celebrate it toget when i return..
and i teared in my heart..
in the bus..we keep talking about our feelings..
but she keep saying i dunnoe..
(remember the times before we get together..u keep saying u dunnoe ur feelings towards me..
but in the end..im the one that u love..from that moment i loved u soo deeply without thinking of the world..bcuz in my life there is me and you..)
but now its gone..my life is gone..
when we are under the block,
we talked and i express everything to her..
she cried..by her tears i knew that she still love me..
(but why cant she take me back?)
she told me..
why must my true love come to me now..?
that was the sentence that makes me strong to win her back..
she admits im her true love..she still loves me..
then i gave her a hug..
she cried..
i told her i love her and look into her eyes..
happiness was there when she cried looking at me..
(but why..?why cant u accept me back?)
then i open my arms wide and she came into my warmth..
i hugged her hoping not to let her go..
then when she want to go off,
i kissed her hand and her forehead..
full of love..
i saw her crying otw home..
and my tears that i control roll down my cheek..
i smiled looking at her walk home..
thinking things will change..
but i was wrong...

life is full of ups and downs..

2009-07-03T16:01:00.002+08:00

just now send her off at the bus stop to him..
she asked me to smile..
but its just hard to smile..
i told her i dont mind sacrificing my love..
as long as she is happy with him..
it hurts to send ur love one to another guy..
it really does..
but i pretend to be strong and happy..
i dont care if people says im stupid or a pretender..
as long as she is happy..
no matter what i will be waiting for her always..
i love you Nur Fardiyana..
yes i truly do..
how i wish he was like me..
understanding..

why??

2009-07-02T18:00:00.000+08:00

why this feelings..?

hurts..

2009-07-02T14:41:00.001+08:00

bear with it lee..

sayings..

2009-07-01T22:12:00.002+08:00

sometimes when u love that someone, u have to sacrifice for her..

one day you might never know what he has for you..

but never give up on giving urslef hopes..

even if it a false hopes..

as it makes u happy..

to continue life..

smile always..

sorie guys..

2009-07-01T22:04:00.002+08:00

im sorie guys..
but there seems to have a problem with downloading the pics in the post..
i will try it again 2moro keyh?
hope it will work 2moro..

it happend again..

2009-07-01T21:01:00.004+08:00

todae i woke up full of smiles..
want to know why??
bcuz the person that i love called and woke me up..
asking if we could have breakfast outside as theres no food at home..
i rushed to the bathe room and shower..
rushed to my room and iron my clothes and get ready..
HERE COMES IT..
after im ready...
Miss Jill gave me a call..
saying i cant go for the Da Vinci..
as i just reach singapore for 6 days..
just one day left eyy..
sadness filled my heart..
thought i could spent my day wit her at the Science Center..

MET LOVE
as per normal, i text her only when i have reach the usual meeting place.. =)
then she came down..as per normal she tickle my hips..
it reminds me of the past but now its just a friend to friend thingi..
then off we went to saffron and ate..
then we went to interchange to meet Khai..
forgot bout joe..
called him and waited for him..
while waiting for him..Khai, Love and me went to Tamp1 to walk2..
then Khai want to eat..
we proceed to macdonalds to eat..
of course Love and me never eat..
we accompanied Khai only..
then here comes Joe and off we went to Jurong East..
im sorie that i wasnt in the mood in the train..
listening to those songs..
sitting in a train..
reminds me of the first outing we had..
looking for things for arts under the stars..
yes i was crying..
im sorie..
reach there not that early..
waited for the rest and..
SAD PART
off they went together2 to Science Center..
like yesterday..i felt left out..
but what to do..
i walk3 alone2 sad2...
(this oia really is changing my happy life to a sad one..)

AFTER 3HRS
they came back..
my PANTAT is flat..
hehe..then Khai and Rai went to meet atik..
Love and me went to take the train..
we want to eat Pastamania but dunnoe at where..

TRAIN
after a long decision making...
Parkway Parade we went to eat at..
she looked sleepy in the train..
let her lie on my shoulder..
(as she was sleeping on my shoulder..it reminds me of the past..i wanted to kiss her forehead but..i remind myself..im her friend and she is with him..soo i take that back..)
dropped off at Bedok inter and guess what??
saw Abg and Kakak!
missed them soo muchie2!
slm and hugged them..
then off we went to PP taking 31..
kakak ask me..i and yana dah okeyh ke..
i was saying no..it hurts looking at his name in Love hp..
texting each other..i know im a friend of Love and shouldnt feel angry or anything..
now i know how u feel kak..
and thanx Khai for giving me words of advice..
and thanx on agreeing with me that Love is getting more and more beautiful..

PP
we terlajak one bus stop..
hehe..soo we walked back to PP..
Love was busy texting him..
i pretend to be happy..
cuz i need to hide those feelings away..
then we went straight to Pastamania..
we chose a seat outside the shop..
where no one os seating..
then went and order..
was damn hungry at that moment of time..
then food came..
(dah lapar bkn nak mkn tau..)
we took pics..
i just love taking pictures of Love..
i dunnoe why i can take beautiful pictures of hers but not other people..
ok back to story..
we ate and ate till we are damn full..=)
then after eating, took pictures again..
then we talk about our trips..
after that took 31 back..

BUS
continued chatting about our trips..
watch her video dancing..
looking at the video
makes me feel like tearing
you were talking about the video
my eyes were locked at you
when u look at me, i look back at the video
im happy to see u happy
then we talk about the pics she took at science center..
she asked if she can be a model..
i stared her eyes..
not blinking..
told her.. "i said yes u can in the past and my answer will never change.."
then drop off one bus stop after schl and change to 9..
continued talking..
then drop off at afghan..
went toi2 first..
then sent her home..
at that moment when i was standing in front of you..
it felt like we are still together..
i was about to kiss ur hand and forehead but im not urs i said..
then when u walk off..
i wanted to say i love you..
but i know i shouldnt..
then i proceed home..

to Love..
i know u dont like to use my money..
but the things we are doing are some of the plans i had in mind to celebrate our monthsary..
but i know its too late as there is no more US..
i spent things sincerely for you..
i know u dont want to feel terhutang budi but i don mind..
remember the princip i told u before in the past?
my money is ours and ur money is urs?
u know i kept that princip cuz i still take u as my Love..
thats why i feel what a friend shouldnt feel..
thats why i care what a friend sometimes dosent care..
it makes me happy to know u r happy..
thats why i keep saying.."you are happy right..?"
i just want to make myself happy by still thinking we are still the US we are before..
cant i..?
till here love..

guys!there are pics to be uploaded soon..
wait up yeah!

i dunnoe if she still loves me..
bcuz yest and todae..
i heard a word from her mouth that gives me hope..
but i dunnoe if she accidently said it..
when i was disturbing her i hear..
"b tkmo..my mouth sakit uh.."
when i pinched her mouth in the bus..
"b my neck sakitlah.."
when i wanna strangle her from the back fooling around..
i know she say it maybe she terlepas ckp..
soo i just kept my feelings of happiness away..
but i will always love her and treat her the way i treated her in the past..
thats all..

true feelings..

2009-06-30T22:05:00.001+08:00

why should i go look for a paradise when it is right in front of my eyes..

beautiful she is..

2009-06-30T21:46:00.007+08:00

this is the girl that i love..

ignore the middle.. =D

here are the pics..=))

i just love her..

memories are meant to be in the heart..

as the mind easily forgets...

happy day for me..

2009-06-30T20:27:00.002+08:00

today early in the morning..
as per normal like memories i went to wait for her at the usual block..
as per usual, i reach then text her..
and she reach there told me suke kasi org kelam-kabut..
i told her i didnt ask her to rush..
cuz i don mind waiting for her.. =)
then we proceed to eat at saffron..
but packed.. -_-
soo off we went and eat at afghan..
CHAPATTI!!=))
then meet joe under his block..
meet hadi and syirah in the bus..
then we took 31 from interchange to go school..

TRAINING
training for the IRIR was really fun..
my eyes locked at her..
saying "i just love her"
everytime she caught me looking at her, i look elsewhere..
she smiles when i look at her..
i hope the love is growing again, even when i cant be with her..
while we are resting, cikgu call for the dancers..
talking to them..
then i looked at her..
she caught me..
then i go close as i want to read the lyrics too..she lean on my shoulder..
i feel the love from her..
i wonder if she is feeling it too..
then we have our last training..
then we go down to C1..

Cafe 1..
when we reach there,
i and her straight away went to the ice kacang shop..
i bought ice longan with nata de coco..
at that point of time, i felt hurt..
like being shot..
i saw her wallet..
our pic gone..
being replaced by him..
mt mood turned as i was trying to control my feelings..
express it in my phone..
didnt talk to her then..

STUDIO
back at the studio..
she ate another 2 medicine..
that i brought for her..
she then feel pain and ache..
i massage her..
then i feel that she slept while im massaging her..
i asked her to slp on my lap as she will be going for anugerah later..
soo she need to replenish her energy for it..
as she sleeps on my lap..
i keep playing with her hair..
belai wajah die..
saying again to myself..
"i just love you fardiyana.."
my leg was anty anty already..
but i tahan for her..
for my love..
because i dont want to wake her up..
looking at her slp..
makes my life peace..
she looks beautiful even when she is sleeping..
sigh..
then rai need to wake her up to get ready for anugerah..
they then rush2..
i do up her hair..
comb it for her..
then tidy her fringe and blusher..
then we all went off..
the sad part coming..
i thought of giving her a hug before she goes..
but..
the bus came and all of them are chasing it as they are late alridy..
at that point of time...
i suddenly felt alone..
everyone run saying goodbye to me..
its like as if im gonna lose them forever..
i have been left out when i went china..
and now when im back, i cant join them..
left out again..

OMW HOME
after they took bus..
i walk alone like a guy without anythg in life..
i took 38 and drop at afghan..
go get my perfume and waited for 28..
bus reach, took it and went home..
reach home..i miss her alridy..
threw my wallet on the bed and it opened up..
showing my pic with her..
switch on my lappie..
there US again on the wallpaper..
but i have to be strong..
im just a friend to her..

NEXT DAY
2moro going Science Center with her..
hope it will be another happy day and ending for me..
i see you 2moro my love..
ok lah till here..

btw we took a few pics in the bus..
will upload it later..
saw her in the screen of my tv..
i wish i could be by her side..
i miss her..

replaced..

2009-06-30T15:39:00.000+08:00

hurts when being replaced..

staying strong..

2009-06-29T22:39:00.002+08:00

hello hello kopi teh milo!
hehe..
firstly i wanna thank my berry..
for saying words thats builts up my strength..
thanx my bestie berry!
i now can pick myself up again..
Alex And Rosie i will pray for us to be..
i gave her all the stuffs..
she is happy..
im happy that she like it..
now im like chatting with many people..
Berry, Rai2, Nurul and many more some weird people..
eww..
why msn now like people we dont know also text us..
weird huh?
ok back to my story..
i have gain my strenght because of her..
now im going strong..
being her best friend..
brother ton huh berry..hehe..
i misse dthe past..but i have to let it go..
let her be happy now..
i know my happiness will come by too..
not now..next year..or the year after..
and i believe one day US will be back toget..
i will wait for that day to come..
will u be hoping it too..
i dunnoe but i hope you are..
=)
till here for today..
see u 2moro berry..
and dont forget the date..
or should i say competion?
or challenge?
pool and bowling..=))

i hope not..

2009-06-28T22:13:00.001+08:00

to my frens..im sorry if i have to run out of cemta 2moro..

i wish..

2009-06-28T22:04:00.000+08:00

i wish..miracles would happend..i will just pray for it..

i know i should reflect myself on this too..

2009-06-28T21:47:00.002+08:00

you are saying that its the best for us..
i know i have said this before..
and the ans u gave me is waht i want to say to u right now..
i know its too late for us to discuss about it right now..
because you have found your new companion and is moving on..
i will try to study..
im just scared my past is repeating..
failing final year because of this..
i will try not to..
because if i want you back, i must have a good career..
to take care of you and insya'allah our family..
we always have thought of our future..
we think far ahead..
one boy and one girl..
in a house..
family of four..
touring the world..
sigh..
i rilli hope this would be like where rainbow ends..
i hope naim can tc of you..
i dont want u to do what u did in bali again..
its the second time u did that..
im worried..
when u are depressed and feel alone, pray to him..
dont do all that again keyh my dear yana..
i know you can change..
in my eye..you are the angel..
i trust you..
i believe in you..
you too must..
i know i have grown weak with all this..
because when i went away i left half my strength in you..
when we hugged..
thats why now you have the strength to move on..
thats the truth..
u know what i mean ryte..
remember that time im not feeling well?
i did something and you ask me what is it..
but i didnt tell you?
hope u know what im trying to say..
do tc keyh yana..
it feels weird calling you this way..
but no matter what,
cintaku terhadap dirimu takkan pudar..
menantikanmu untuk kembali disisiku akanku menunggu..
i love you and will be waiting..
even for a thousand years..
even if i have to chase you for thousands of miles..
i will be waiting..

stupidity..

2009-06-28T15:13:00.002+08:00

im stupid.
i rilli am.
should have told her.
now she wont change it.
even when i cried i hate myself.
everytime i regret.
i will never have the chance.
i hate my life.
i hate me.
i hate all.
i just want to make up my mistakes..
shouldnt we be given a 2nd chance in life..
but i guess it isnt in my life..
thanx for the book..
the book gave me hope..
its like you are giving me hope..
but its all wrong..
i shouldnt read the book..
soo that i wont hope and be this way..

but no matter what..
i will wait for you..
bcuz you are my true love..
and only you have the place in my heart..

does she...?

2009-06-28T14:32:00.000+08:00

im wondering if you still loves me..
but i will always be waiting for you..

if i dont..

2009-06-28T13:59:00.002+08:00

if i dont love you and think of you,
why would i go all the way to Suzhou with my frens just to look for roxy stuffs..
if i dont love you and think of you,
why would i put my whole heart reading the book trying to find the ans..
if i dont love you and think of you,
why would i cry going to slp looking at our pics in my psp..
if i dont love you and think of you,
i wouldnt bother to put our pics in my psp and wallet..
if i dont love you and think of you,
i wouldnt call you when im there..
it hurts me when you ask about her..
bcuz i thought you would know that i called you bcuz you are the important person in me..
thats why i called you..not her..

AIRPORT
when i first landed in Singapore,
i text you the first then called my mum..
u didnt reply soo i thought you are aslp..
when i reach the arrival gate,
i was eyeing for you..
but i know its late at night soo maybe you cant come..
on the next day, i waited for your reply..
but still silence..
then i got to know u change ur blog url..
i can feel that u r moving on..
then i get ur new blog and read the post..
it shot my straight at my head..
but i know its my fault..
but i still keep myself positive that u still have that tiny feelings for me..
soo i wont give up..

TODAY
i went out early in the morning with my dad to decorate my niece bdae party..
it reminds me alot about you..
her theme is diney princesses..
everywhere i walk theres belle..
i took the pics of it as it is you..
then i went home..

HOME
i switch on the laptop and saw her online..
god knows whats in my heart..
i happily text her..
and because of that im starting to smile again..
but she cant accept me..
but i will make a place for me back in her heart..
thats my word..

i love you Nur Fardiyana Bte Sulaiman..
just wait there..
im here..

i miss those moments..

2009-06-27T20:47:00.002+08:00

i miss this girl a lot..

im still loving her even if she hates me..

to berry <3..

2009-06-27T19:58:00.005+08:00

i hope you will be reading my blog still..
because it will all be about us and us and us..

i know that i have hurt you deep by the post i posted before i went to China..
but that was a day before i went..
on the day that i wanna go, if u want to know, i feel like hugging u..
not letting you go..i cried on my way to the plane..
regretting..
because i wanna tell u that i love you and to wait for me to be back..
because i wanna patch things up with you..
but im scared i will stop u from having your happiness with him..
every single day..every hours..every mins..and seconds of me in china..
i have never stopped thinking of you..
ur pics everywhere in my vision..
ur voice everywhere in my ears..
ur memories with me in my heart..
im just afraid to break up ur life now..
looking at you happy with your new boy..
ur pics with him..
ur happiness with him..

BUT...
i will never give up on waiting for you..
i will never love anyone else more then i love you..
i will never forgive myself till you talk to me and forgive me..
i will never be happy like before until im back with you..
i will never dance till you are back with me..
i will never move on in my life..
i will never fall in love ever again..
i will never..
never..

BECAUSE..
my heart is still calling to you..
missing you..
and loving you always..
as times goes by, i just love u more as i miss you even more..
i know that you are really hating me now..
i see it in your blog and i can feel the hatred you are having towards me..
you know my story..
my past..
about me being used..
its repeating..
i know you know what..
i have told her off..
i just want you..
the girk that make me realise my talents and happiness..
and making me realise that im a good photographer..
a good dancer..
and you are the first girl that watch me perform..
and you made it there just for me..
no one knows the feelings beyond it..
i know there is a tiny bit of love for me in that heart of yours..
and i promise i will make it grow again..
i wont stop loving and waiting for you..

MEMORIES..
i still remember the day i first saw u dancing..
i dunnoe how my eyes caught you..
maybe bcuz u forget your steps..
bcuz of that imperfections in you that i fall for you..
my eyes just cant stop looking at you and my mind cant stop thinking of you ever since..
my heart feels peaceful and my world full of silence when you are by my side..
ever since that day, i cant stop looking forward to see you..
and i was lucky to see you everday in the bus..
the cute lil girl hiding behind her specs..
clever looking girl that keep thinking..
"is this guy looking at me?.."
yeap i was and loving the vision..
i kept asking my fren about you..
and i just dunnoe what to do whenever i see you..
during your dance practice in cemta, i wont miss the chance to look at you..
even a glimpse of your sight make me feel peaceful and silence..
even when i know im clapping one hand at that point of time..
with my cap..you recognised me..
again you were asking at yourself..
"is this guy looking at me?..."
and yeap i was..
every move and steps u r dancing..
i still remember the day when i actually waited for you..
then we saw each other in the bus to go home..
my fren asked me who was i waiting for..
i told him i was waiting for ren..
but actually its u..
but im happy when i saw u in the same bus that i took to go home..
the shyness in you and me makes us grows fonder for each other..
i miss all that days..
the story of us..
then we started working together..
memories at bus stops..
first valentine with a girl at a bus stop..
with a love letter written and a rose..
the first bdae gift i got for you..
i wont and will never forget all that..
the way you reacted when u saw it..
i can see your happiness then..
i love you with all my heart and i will never let it go..
my trust for you is still here in me..

MOMENTS..
the moments that we had with each other just cant be forgotten nor erased..
its the only moment that people can see my true happiness and my smile..
i didnt smile alot when im not with you..
you make me learn all that..
you are like an angel sent for me..
and i wont want to let go the angel from my heart ever..
i will never erase any moments of us and keep waiting..
i know that you still have that bit of love..
even if there isnt..
i will still think that there is..
bcuz only our love cant make me survive now..
nothing else can..
i need you..

my dear true lover,
its been 3weeks im gone and we have not been contacting each other..
and now when im back, u r also in silence.i dunnoe maybe u r mad at me.
but i wont give up on you..ever..i just want to tell you that i will be waiting and loving you with every bit of my heart..never to stop..my life is incomplete without you..it full of loneliness and not as colourful as before..i miss ur voice..i miss ur smile..i miss your beautiful eyes..i miss ur everything..its hard for me to face this..but its my fault..i will be waiting.waiting always...

i better get going now..my laptop is wet..i shouldnt be crying if im happy for you..
i love you..i love you still Nur Fardiyana bte Sulaiman..
i hope you will let me in..
i missed you..

want to know who..?

2009-06-27T16:56:00.000+08:00

im the one..

never did i regret loving you..

2009-06-27T01:40:00.002+08:00

remember the last post that i posted in my blog..
a lie was in it all..
i type all that down because i know you are moving on..
but what i know..in life, a single lie can break all the happiness..
but now i want to tell the truth..
what i have been facing and doing for the past 1mnth im in china..

Since the first day i reach there, i have been thinking of you..
Everyday i read the book that u lent me with our picture as the bookmark..
Every nite before i slp, i look at our pics in my psp, crying to slp..
In my slp i dreamt of us..i hope it will come true..
I know i have hurt you but that was because i cant think properly..
After this three weeks, i have thought carefully and make my decision..
But i know i cant change the decision of urs..
Thats why im trying my best..
till here today..
im sleepy after the long journey and tired..
and lappie making problems..

i love u still the way i do 7 months ago..
n im missing you..

we are moving on..

2009-06-07T23:20:00.003+08:00

we are both moving on now..
we are best frens..
im her photographer and she is my model..

be happy with naim..
i will be happy with atiqah..
hope im not clapping one hand with her..
and my frens..

i do like atiqah..
and i know yana likes naim too..
i hope both of us will be happy with the one we have found now..
getting to know them better..

im going to miss atiqah..
rilli..
i cant meet her before i go but i know..
we have a long journey ahead of of us..
i hope..
do tc of urself teyh?
and awak..
pls dont say about me n her anymore..
we got nothing to do anymore..
i will call u when im boarding the plane..

im away..

2009-06-07T22:49:00.000+08:00

i wont be in singapore..
wont be updating for 3weeks..
gonna miss u all..
tc okeyh..

thought i could smile..

2009-06-04T23:14:00.002+08:00

remember that i told you that i will smile when i read your blog..?

i think im wrong to say that..

i cant deny my feelings that i have for you..

but i have to lie to myself..

in order to move on..

maybe HE is giving you hints..

and dont deny that you have feelings for him too..

like i say..

i believe everything that a blogs tells me..

you are happy with him..

you gonna miss him..

you need him..

not me..

bye..

need to...

2009-06-04T22:43:00.003+08:00

why am i feeling this way?

why am i?

im confused and lost..

i just know that my heart still beats for her..

its just difficult for me..

but it seems soo easy for her..

she can still meet and talk and text to someone..

without feeling anything..

but me..?

nvm..

life is like this i guess..

i have to adapt to this changes..

the fact that we are no longer..

and the fact that she has someone else..

thats all for now..

cant take it no more..

i miss her sumhow..

2009-06-04T00:40:00.002+08:00

i miss berry..

i somehow cant slp thinking of her...

i dunno why i keep thinking of her...

i know its hard for me to forget her...

but im trying my best in forgetting her...

she ask me not to worry bout her...

she say she is confused if she still love me or not...

i just hope she still do...

even when i know we can never get back together...

except when i have completed my studies n NS...

maybe she still love me,

maybe she dont...

only HE has the answer to all this..

and i hope we will meet again in future to come...

choco still loves you here but i will try and move on...

for your sake...

and i hope,

that you will never forget me...because our memories are still playing in my mind ryte now...

and it will never vanish from my mind and heart...just remember that i will always be here for you...as a friend...as a photographer...tc there berry...

to berry <3..

2009-06-03T22:52:00.002+08:00

berry..

im happy to have spent the last 3days with you..

it reminds me bout the past..

but i will add it to our memories..

i hope the minnie mug and the mickey bow will be of good use to you..

i will always pray for your happiness..

we are still friends though..

in our past relationship, i had learn and be a better person..

when im with you..

you have been making me more confident of myself..

in my looks and personality and studies..

i thank you for that..

and because of you, i realise my talent in taking pics..

i can be your personal photographer..

but takkan tak bergajikan??

hehe..im just kidding..

im not a professional but i can try..

hearing bout you and Naim, somehow hurts me..

but im happy now..

at least theres someone who loves you and care for you..

who can keep you company always..

i just hope he will take good care of you..

i will still be here..

but as a fren..

a close fren indeed..

we cant meet always..

but we can text each other..

and it cant be always me to make the first move to text..

because we are friends now and it doesnt matter who text who first..

am i right?

ok then..

till here i can type..

my hands are tired and so do my eyes..

anything, beep me..

tc there berry..

life have to go on...

2009-06-03T22:33:00.002+08:00

life in this world is not easy.

we have to learn alot from it.

even though sometimes we thought that we have learn alot from it,

we will still make mistakes and break down.

like a sayings..

"the journey of life is like a roller coaster"

our path of life leads us to many directions..

its us who have to decide and choose it wisely..

sometimes we ask our friends and parents for help..

BUT!

most importantly,

the decision comes from you..

and to make that decision,

you have to use both your mind and heart..

sometimes the decision is rilli hard for us to make..

BUT!

HE wont test us this way if he know we cant afford to face it..

HE gave us this because he knows we can go through it with a strong heart and mind..

He gave us all this test to make us a stronger and a better person in life..

i used to be a low spirited guy..

weak and slow..

but alhamdulillah now im strong and not as slow as before in many things..

even though sometimes i tend to be weak..

BUT!

i pick myself back up and continue my journey even after several falls..

i have my sayings..

"i will never stop till i achieve my dream"

all of us have learn not to give up ever since we are a baby and toddler..

remember the times we cried for milk..?

without giving up till we get the milk..

remember the time we learn to crawl?

did we ever give up?

remember the time when we learn how to walk?

did we give up?

remember the time we learn how to call our parents?

daddy..mummy..

did we ever ever ever give up?

and did our parents ever give up on us during that period?

and till now they have never given up on us..

you know why?

its because we are theirs..

we are their kids..

we are their happiness since we are born..

you know what they are hoping to see in us?

our achievements..

they will be proud to see their kids that they bring up be successful..

they will feel happy for you guys..

because you are successful..

if can they they want us to be better then what they are..

to be a better person for the future, religion and country..

soo to the people out there..

never be afraid of what people think of your decision..

people wont know what you are really going through..

unless they are you..

ended so soon...

2009-06-03T22:02:00.002+08:00

been spending time with her for 3days now..
2moro was supposed to be the last but it was cancelled..
as he is going away soo they wanna meet..
im happy she found him..
have to be ryte?cuz she is..soo i have to for her..

on mondae, we went to catch a movie as soon as our school ends..
we catch it at downtown east..
hmm..the tittle is The Conspiracy..i guess..ryte? hehe..
thee story was great..must watch tau guys..
we were like keep getting the same seat no whenever we catch a movie there..
after the movie ended, that is like a 2hr movie..
we rush rush rush!!!back to school as she got tarian..
when we reach school, suddenly everyone knows bout the movie tingi..
maybe SOMEONE CLOSE told them..(o.O)i wonder who..

then next to the second day..

on tuesday, i brought my new camera just to take pics as memories..
and train up my skills as a photographer and hers as a model..
we took like over 100++ pics just in an hour or two..
crazy right??
while we are bz taking pics, my fellow tarian mates and hip hop mates watch videos at my lappie..
then after lots of photo taking, she got hungry..
soo we went eat at cafe 2..
(she is weird..people eat after dance..but she eat before dance..if it were me, i would have vomitted when dancing..)
then after eating, she started her tarian..
then after her tarian, went to simpang to eat with cikgu,isa and khai..
had fun joking while eating..having isa and khai, is like having a group of jokers..
hehe..no offence..they are good frens to hang out with..
they always cheer u up when u r down..
then after that went to take bus n go home..
but before going home, we upload all pics in my lappie and she went home..

the last day that ended soo soon to me..

the last day is todae..
we went our to our memorable place..
we took pics and talk n sing there..
then not long enuf, she is not feeling well..
soo planned to go home..
then tau2 while heading home, she say shes ok..
so like the day before, we upload all the pis into my lappie..
then after that, found out in my lappie have diner dash..
soo she played it..stressing up, she off it..hehe,,
we then play a clue searching game..
had fun and gedebak-gedebuk masa dah lmbt..
soo we have to make our wae home..

that was the last happy moments..
and it ended there..
i just hope she will be happy..
tc there berry<3..

happy times..

2009-06-02T09:07:00.002+08:00

im very happy nowadays..
first good n the bestest news is that,
i just got my own personal lappie!!!hehe..
next i got a camera!!hehe..
next i got to spent my days with her for this few days before i go china..

yest night, i called her..
talk to her otp cuz i missed her..
want to meet her too before going china but i dunnoe when i can..
now doing my project..
got to go guys..

hopes...

2009-05-30T22:34:00.001+08:00

i was hoping for u to go online..
was waiting but u didnt..

i need berry's help..

2009-05-30T21:37:00.000+08:00

i need ur help..
i need ur company..

this one is another...

2009-05-30T21:25:00.000+08:00

Everyday..

Once in a lifetime
means there’s no second chance
so I believe than you and me
should grab it while we can

Make it last forever
and never give it back

It’s our turn, and I’m loving’ where we’re at

Because this moment’s really all we have

Everyday
of our lives,

wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight

Gonna run

While we’re young
and keep the faith

Everyday

From right now,
gonna use our voices and scream out loud

Take my hand;
together we
will celebrate,
celebrate.

Oh, ev’ryday.

They say that you should follow
and chase down what you dream,
but if you get lost and lose yourself
what does is really mean?

No matter where we’re going,
it starts from where we are.
There’s more to life when we listen to our hearts
and because of you, I’ve got the strength to start

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Everyday

of our lives,
wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight
Gonna run
while we’re young
and keep the faith.

Everyday

from right now,
gonna use our voices and scream out loud
Take my hand;
together we
will celebrate,
Oh, ev’ryday

We’re taking it back,
we’re doing it here
together!

It’s better like that,
and stronger now
than ever!

We’re not gonna lose.
‘Cause we get to choose.
That’s how it’s gonna be!

Everyday
of our lives,
wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight.

Gonna run
while we’re young
And keep the faith
Keep the faith!

Everyday
of our lives,
wanna find you there, wanna hold on tight.
Gonna run
while we’re young
and keep the faith

Everyday
from right now,
gonna use our voices and scream out loud
Take my hand;
together we
will celebrate,

Ev’ryday!

Live ev’ry day!
Love ev’ryday!
Live ev’ryday!
Love ev’ryday!

Ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!
Ev’ryday!

Ev’ryday!

this song reminds me of us...

2009-05-30T21:00:00.001+08:00

Gotta Go My Own Way...

I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us
doesn't seem right these days
life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan
is always rearranged
It's so hard to say
But I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be ok..
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way
Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
and I watch them fall everytime
Another color turns to grey
and it's just too hard to watch it all
slowly fade away
I'm leaving today 'cause I've
gotta do what's best for me
you'll be ok..
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

What about us?
What about everything we've been through?

What about trust?

You know I never wanted to hurt you

And what about me?

What am I supposed to do?

I gotta leave

but ill miss you

So I've got to move on and be who I am

Why do you have to go?

I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

I'm trying to understand

We might find our place
in this world someday
but at least for now

I want you to stay

I wanna go my own way
I've got to move on and be who I am

What about us?

I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

I'm trying to understand

We might find our place in this
world someday
but at least for now
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way

i miss chocoberry..

to her...

2009-05-30T10:41:00.001+08:00

you...pls do speak to me if u view my blog..
iamy...

happiness..

2009-05-30T10:29:00.002+08:00

meeting u yest makes me feel better..
i admit i wasnt like in the mood..
but looking at u crazy and happy make me smile on the inside..
i tried to be closer to u then them..
but i know i cant..
they are much better then me..
in looks and everything..
last saturday was the last memories we made..
and i kept it deep in my heart..
hope this wed and thurs, it will go on as planned..
the last two days before i go to China..
i do not know if the 'you' u referring to is me..
but if it is, im happy..
i am now understanding it..
im happy u r becoming stronger then me..
and having the same decision as me..
let love finds us, not us find love..
love can be learnt but not get..
thats all..
imyt..

its over..

2009-05-29T09:06:00.002+08:00

today after school, i plan to go and survey for camera.
asked her to come along but nvm..
talking bout it irritates me..
i plan to go to harvey norman at tampines mart..
then on saturday, go shopping alone i guess..
need to buy my toiletries..
my needs when i get to china..
3 weeks...such a long week for me overseas..
in a foreign land..i have never travelled overseas before..
and now when im going, no adult is accompanying us..
i wonder how my life there would be..
i hope when i come back from china, my life here will be better..
hope i wont think of her anymore..
leading a peaceful life on my own..
keeping the hardship and happiness i faced to me alone..
i dont want to interfere in anyones life from now on..
im just troubling them and all..
im a well matured teenager and i shall lead an independent life of my own..
my favourite quote that i made up for me is...
"dont always listento others, because they never know what you are facing..."

and to him..do take care of her and treasure her..
i see smiles on her after a day out with you..
i cant make her smile anymore..
soo i let you take my place..
i wont interfere you both..
shes a uniqe girl..
do take time to know her better and you will start to love her..
and she loves taking picture..
and if you are not the type who loves taking pictures,
you should try to like it..
i dont like taking pics before, but with her i started to love her..
the same as how i love her..
and i also love taking her pics..
she is my model now and ever..
and she loves mickey,minnie,roxy and LV..
ban mian her favourite food..
she likes western food..
she loves to bowl,movies and arcade..not to forget fishing..
the rest its for you to find out..
just take good care of her..
you hurt her, you gonna suffer...

i guess u found him..

2009-05-29T09:01:00.003+08:00

Yes he is different..
i guess you have found ur companion..
im happy for you..
he makes you laugh..
jokes and criticising people..
travel far wont be a problem to you now..
going out every friday wont be a problem to you now..
going home late wont be a problem to you now..
i love it altough when u bully me..
happiness coming your way i see..
i guess i shouldnt meet u anymore..
let you have your own life..
cant wait for your next meet up..
".imy."

things need to change...

2009-05-28T08:18:00.007+08:00

i guess i rilli need to move on..
even when i keep thinking of her..
move on lee..
she is looking for her new companion damn it!
cant u just move on!?
okeyh thats all...

eh eh wait!!!
yest i went to esplanade to watch TERIMA KOST..
it was a very interesting dance cum play..
the dance is a combination of contemporary, hip hop and ballet..
my eyes was locked to all 8 dancers all the way and they were just sooooooo goood!=)
i wish i could dance like them and go from place to place to entertain people..
then after the show, we all waited to take pictures with them..
while waiting, there Sheik Haikal and his wifey..
aper lagi!pic time lahh...du'duhh!!hehe..
then the dancers came out and we took their pics and autograph..
=)))))))
it was damn fun...then after that i went home first cuz i wasnt feeling that well and tired and need to rest..the others went to eat and soo on..
i reach home around 10plus and do all the necessary things that im asked to do by my nurse and went straight to slp...=))

otyeh guys...i got to get back to my EIB..the most understandable module of the semester..=))
love you guys..
and the quiet and lonely fadzlee shall be crazy again..=))))

some memories..

2009-05-26T09:31:00.002+08:00

some memories are not to be forgotten...
when i went bowling with my parents,
memories came back...
when i went to eat at kfc and fc wit my parents,
memories came back...
when i went pr with my cousins,
memories came back...
when i went airport to eat popye wit my cousins,
memories came back...
just now when rendi was playing with his web cam,
memories came back...
when i saw planes flying,
memories came back...
when i sit at a bus stop waiting for bus,
memories came back...
its diff but no one knows...

my blog is dead now..

2009-05-24T13:26:00.001+08:00

i wont be updating anymore.
as people will get stupid negative thinking.

2009-05-20T18:33:00.003+08:00

no one will ever know whats happening in my life right now.
confused of my life.
hating it i guess.
but need to be carry on.
if u wait for me, im happy.
tc there berry.

its not my fault...

2009-05-18T11:23:00.001+08:00

just hope u r happy wit him..
im useless i know..
n for ur info..im no sweet talker..

its not that bad..

2009-05-13T09:02:00.002+08:00

in life, there are up and downs..
and every ups and downs,
theres a meaning towards it.
soo people, just follow your heart..
dont be afraid in any decision that you want to make..
because it is for your own future and life..
being selfish is not a bad thing after all if its for a good purpose..
soo to all my fellow blog readers, dont be afraid to fight for your life..

thank you allah

2009-05-13T08:59:00.001+08:00

::_you make my day_::

2009-05-09T23:48:00.002+08:00

im happy that all my long lost frens are being found.
i missed them alot.
i know they might not be able to recognise me.
but i do recognise them.
i admit i have more gerlfrens then guy frens.
this is bcuz they understand me more.
and also i love helping them when they have troubles.
and i get what i gave that is being help by them
when im in trouble.
thank you my dear frens.

2009-05-09T23:46:00.001+08:00

i want to be a photographer.
i want to be a teacher.
i want to be me.

decision?

2009-05-03T12:10:00.002+08:00

DECISION HAVE NOT BEEN MADE
I NEED TIME
BUT PLS DONT PUT ON HIGH HOPES
MY PARENTS STILL COMES FIRST
PLS DO UNDERSTAND PEOPLE
IF U ALL ARE MY TRUE FRIENDS,
U ALL WILL UNDERSTAND.
THANK YOU.

alone alone..

2009-05-03T12:08:00.000+08:00

TINGGALKAN KU BERSENDIRIAN

never ending...

2009-05-03T11:50:00.002+08:00

TINGGALKAN KU BERSENDIRIAN
sudah ku berbincang dengan mereka,
tetapi jawapan mereka tetap sama.
aku tidak dibenarkan balik lewat lagi.
aku tidak dibenarkan keluar dengan kawanku selalu.
aku tidak boleh menggunakan telefon rumah.
telefon bimbitku akan diperiksa masa demi masa.
aku penat dan letih dengan ini semua.
aku bingit.tetapi taati mereka adakah tugasku sebagai anak yang solleh.
aku tidak akan lawan kata mereka.
tanpa mereka, tiada lah aku di dunia yang indah ini.
memang benar aku telah bertemu dgn kekasihku.
aku harap dia dapat menunggu ku smpi ku tidak tahu bila.
aku tidak dapat menjanjikan apa2.
kerna aku tidak tahu apa lagi yang akan dtg di masa depanku.
maafkan aku.jaga diri baik2.

be selfish..

2009-04-30T23:59:00.001+08:00

i cant slp..
thinking of all this that is happening..
hope what i plan and told to my fren,
i will be able to go thru it..
thank you fren..

when i locked myself in the room...

2009-04-30T21:21:00.003+08:00

BREAKING DOWN IS THE THING I DO NOW..
WHY PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS?
WHY CANT THEY AGREE ON WHAT I DECIDE?
WHY MUST I BE LIKE THIS?
WHY CANT I LISTEN TO HIM?
WHY CANT I LIVE HAPPILY NOW?
WHY CANT I BE ALONE?
WHY CANT I BE FREE?
WHY MUST I HAVE PROBLEMS?
WHY AM I A WEAK PERSON NOW?
WHY AM I BECOMING NEGATIVE LIKE LAST TIME?
WHY AM I A QUIET GUY AGAIN?
WHY DID I HAVE TO BE IN THIS SITUATION?
WHY ME!!!

im sorry...

2009-04-16T20:15:00.002+08:00

bby..
i still am loving you the way i love you when i first wanted you..
for the past few days i admit i have been getting jealous and moody alot..
jealous bout him and moody bcuz of him..
i get moody also bcuz you keep bringing up the past..
for example just now..
if you wanna know, you have left far more scars on me..
every words from you are just hurting me..
sometimes i get confused..
you say you love me but you keep hurting me..
its like you want to revenge me..
i know its hard for you to forget everything..
but like you say bby, if there's a will, there's always a way..
i have been trying my best to make you feel loved by me..
but u seemed to get mad over certain words that i say..
pls syg..
if you do love me, pls don hurt me by saying all that..
if you do love me, pls do trust me..
if you do love me, pls dont get too jealous..
im trying my best not to get too jealous..
you must also do the same and help me..
i dont you be frens but pls dont be too close..
since you know im jealousy too..

sayang..
abg masih cintakan ayg..
cinta yang sama dari detik abg berkenalan dgn ayg..
abg perlukan ayg..
abg tak kuat seperti dulu lagi..
abg perlukan kepercayaan ayg..
abg perlukan kasih sayang ayg..
abg perlukan ayg dlm hidup abg..
percayelah syg..

you know bby...

2009-04-16T20:10:00.002+08:00

i have been hating myself since what i did to you..
i have been trying to be the guy i used to be..
i have been trying to forget the GERL u r referring to..
i have been trying not to get mad over small things..
i have been trying not to get moody..
i have been trying not to cry overnite again..
i have been trying hard for everything my bby..

i know i know..

2009-04-16T20:03:00.002+08:00

i know our relationship have been in a state of a rocking boat in this few days..
i know i have hurt u deeply that it leaves a scar in u that will never heal..
i know i have been making you cry day in and day out..
i know nowadays my temper and mood is not in a good state..
i know nowadays i always get mad at you..
i know nowadays i get jealous bout ur FRENS easily..
i know i am getting from a good bf to a bad one..
i know im useless now as all i do is to be moody..
i know i always kept quiet especially when i saw that guy..
i know im bad,evil..all the bad words in dictionary goes to me..
i know i dont deserve you..

2009-04-09T20:26:00.002+08:00

helloh fellow blogger hopper reader!!
im fadzlee..hehe..lols!
okeyh2..what do i wanna say..
hmm..actually i dunnoe what to say..
what should i say guys?hee..ok i know stupid question..
hmm...pass few days..yeah pass few days..

for the pass few days, i have been busy with percussion and tarian..
(but thank goodness for cca fair, im just performing for percussion.)
try imagining i need to perform for both on the same event?
(pki baju tarian, main snare drum..hehe..funny or what?)
okeyh2..for percussion, i will be performing with the juniors..
they all okeyh-okeyh lah..but not up to standard yet..
n juniors, pls do be lively during the performance day..
i believe you guys can be like us..like u guys say, one soul..
oteyh juniors??hehe..Go Percussion Go!=))

next is bout me n my bby...
our love story has it ups and downs..
but to me, all of that is ujian for me..
i know i have to be strong no matter what happends..
i know i still loves you truly..the love i first had for u..
where i expressed my feeling towards u with the moon as our witness..
im sorie if i get too jealous when u talk bout someone..
i just feel demoralized..
okyeh enough of that..
what i know now is that i love you sincerely..
i need you always..
im weak without you..
you have taken half of my heart with you..
soo pls don leave me..
love you lots sayang..
and ty for giving me a chance..
love you bby girl..

2009-04-05T17:41:00.002+08:00

i know i have made a terrible mistake.
and because mistake that i have made,
people around me are kecewe in me.
im sorie..i know people makes mistakes..
but i make a terrible and unimaginable mistake ever..
im sorie guys..

to my bby...
i am sorie for what i did..
i rilli regret it, i know u r the one i only love..
i dont know why all this happend..
i am glad that you can take me back into my life..
i wont do it again sayang..
i know how i rilli wanted you before, and i will always want you the way i wanted you..
i apologize once again to you my bby..
i realise that i felt empty and hollow without you..
i started to feel weak when im not with you..
i just want to let you know that i have realise how deep my love is for you..
i know no one can never replace you in my heart..
i need you yesterday, now and forever my bby..
i will never hurt you again..never..
i love you my bby..
i love you more then i love myself..
i truly do..

to kak ema..
thanx for being the one there to guide me and make me strong..
thanx for giving me the strength to decide on what i have to do..
thanx for understanding what i am going thru..
thanx for everything that you have done for me..
thanx for accepting me and treating me as ur adk..
and thanx for being happy for me and yana..
thanx kak..

to abg sim..
adk want to apologize for keeping it from you..
adk just dont want to make abg stress with the problems you are having with mine..
adk am sorie to make u kecewe in me..
adk sorie to have made all this wrongs..
adk realise that she is the girl, the girl that i rilli want..
adk will regret it if i were to lose her in my life..
adk want to thank abg for advising me..
adk want to thank abg for lecturing me..
and adk want to thank abg for everything that you have done for me..
thank you abg..

to fat2,rai2 and atik..
i am sorie to do this to yana..
i know im in the very wrong..
i dunnoe what happend to me..
i wanna to thank you guys for not hating me..
i know i kecewe kan u guys..
i rilli am sorie..
i know without me and you guys, yana wouldnt be strong..
i realise how much i love her now my frens..
i want to thank you guys for being there for her when i did this stupid things..
i rilli hope we will be frens till eternity..
im sorie once again guys..
im sorie..

ya allah..
aku telah melakukan kesilapan yang besar yang telah melukakan ramai hambamu..
aku mohon ampun ya allah..
aku hanya hambamu yang lemah yang membuat kesilapan..
aku akan menggunakan kesilapan ini sebagai pengajaran untuk diriku..
aku inginkan petunjukmu untuk ku meneruskan hidup yang diredhaimu..
amin amin yaarabbalaalamin...

2009-04-04T15:47:00.002+08:00

im sorie..
im just stressed up..
with lots of things..
i need to be alone..
i dont wanna hurt you anymore..
i need ur help..
berilah petunjuk kepada hamba mu yang lemah ini..
aku perlukan petunjuk mu..

2009-03-03T14:30:00.002+08:00

heyloo peeps!hehe!
okeyh..stress studying just now..
okeyh..
yest was my bdae.hehe.
it was superbly wonderful burfdae.
i will always remember it in my heart.(as the mind easily forgets)

firstly, i would like to say thousand of thanx to my dance mates all.
it was the most memorable birthday celebrations i have ever had.
i will always remember you guys.hehe.

secondly, i would like to say thank you to my family and kak alia.
and not to forget ayah mat for that doa selamat for me.
i appreciate it a lot.that doa means a lot to me.abg harap abg akan berjaye dalam hidup.
i also had a second memorable celebration with my family and relatives at ayah mat home.
2 celebration in 1 day.besst kan.2 in 1 package.
hehe.

lastly is to my beloved berry baby!
hey bby girl.
yesterday was my happiest moment since i had my last bdae cake.
(which i dunnoe when was that)
you really put a smile on my face and tears in my heart.
it touches deeply into my heart bby.
you are the first girl that did this for me and i will treasure it in my heart forever.
hey bby girl.
"i just love you"
thats the four letter word that we always mention to each other.
and once again im saying it to you baby girl.
i just love you.
thanx once again my bby for putting a smile on my face.
and thanx for the prezzie.
(how much is it eh?must go isetan and check the price)
hehe.i miss you alridy my bby.
one thing that i know is that,i love you and wont leave you.

c u later berry bby!

i wish i wish!

2009-02-27T22:10:00.002+08:00

I WISH I WISH! (=

heyloo my deary blogger frenzy!
im here to inform you guys that i might not be able to blog for this coming weeks.
u know why?im not going to be in singapore..
(kalau clever sngt, percayelah.huahuahua!)
its just that exams are coming and i got to concentrate on my studies.
revision fadzlee!must be done alrity mighty?!
hehe.(shiok sendiri plak aku nie)

ok..2 more days and im growing older.sighh..-_-!
(taklah tue sngt kan.aru 18 years old.hehe)
for my coming birthday, i don ask for much.
i just wish that my heart will be calm and my mind will open up for my exam.
and not to forget my family and my bby and friends.
i want my family to be happy always and hope that they can accept me having someone special.
(rilli hope that they understand)
for my bby, i dont want anything for my birthday, i just want you by my side and that will make a special birthday for me.i also wish that we will be together forever.
(tapi kalau nak belikan hadiah, ape salahnye kan.hehehs.)
and for my friends,i cherish them alot.i dont want to lose them.especially the cemta-ians.i want us to be together till we have our families guys.hee!
(tkmo tinggalkan aku tau.i nd u guys too in my life.hee!)

some people says, when u say out your dreams it wont come true BUT to me, it will.
as theres a saying, "setiap ucapan yang kamu ungkapkan dari bibir kamu ialah suatu doa".
insya'allah it will come true.((=

hey baby girl..
this few days i have been missing you alot.
even when we meet each other everyday.
i know we are both busy with our studies.
its a must for us to get good education.
as i want us to have a stable family in future.

baby girl..
you have been asking me a few qusetion lately.
and is repeated a few times alridy.
whatever the question is my bby.
even if you were to ask me a million times.
my answer to you will always remain the same.

nothing can break us apart my love..

2009-02-25T11:48:00.001+08:00

heyloo beloved bloggers!
im sorie for my dead blog for a long time which i dunnoe how long.
i have been busy studying and mcm biase my computer at home is gilerr.
i cant go online to update my blog from home nowadys.
im now at mlc trying to update my blog with this slow internet connections.
im getting fed up with the computer alridy but it is my only choice to update my blog.

for the past few days and weeks, many things have happend.
sweet things, happy things, bad things but i go through it with a patient heart.
i learn many things in life.we have to be strong in order to achieve what you want and never to think negative bout yourself.
negetivity!pulls you down! REMEMBER that people! hehs.

for the past few days, i have been stressing up myself to study.
im trying to get better GPA for my end of year exam.
i need to get GPA of 4!!!
i must get it! for my maths, i have been solving my tutorials at home.
and for Electricl installations, i have been reading the book but nothing got into me.hehs.
good thing Mdm Aw gave us assigntments and she mention that we cn just study from the assignments as all that is the important things we need to know for exam.

ok now for my overseas work attatchment.
my teacher submit some of my classmates names including me for the overseas work attatchment during june.
this friday, we will be going for the interview.
we are given a choice to choose between Vietnam, Shanghai and Australia.
I wanna go to aussy!
i rilli hope i will get the opportunity to go there.
(pray hard for me yeah people)hehehs!

next is for my passion.
Percussion and Tarian.
i just found out from one of my friend that i will be in DrumzOut 2009.
it falls around june but they dont know when.
im scared that it will clash with my work attchment.
(pray hard for me again that it wont clash keyh?)hehes!
then for my tarian.
i love to dance since i was a kid.
but im just too afraid to come out of my shell to try it out.
but alhamdulillah now im in tarian.
for my passion and also for my bby.
hehehs.(2in1 package lah kan)
this saturday, all the dance people in Cemta will be having auditions for a course.
a dancing course.FOC!they will be learning theorytical and practical on dance.
they will also learn contemporary, jazz and malay dance.
i wanna go!but...im not confident of myself.thats my weakness.
always feel lowly bout my abilities.
(what should i do people?)

ok..enough blabbering lee.
tekak pon dah kering.
nk gi minum air.heehee!

wait3!

to my bby,
i have been loving you silently since we had not known each other.
i have been looking at you from far since i love you.
i have been whispering to you from far since i look at you.
i just cant stop loving you bby.
i cant stop thinking of you even from a second.
i nd you in my life bby.
i promise you, i wont leave you.
thats my promise.

and to my beloved friend KASSIM.
pls don be afriad to talk to me when u r down with problems.
and pls pls pls do take care of yourselfs.
and pls don you ever think negative.
be a positive person pls.
you always give me advice but you yourself.negative.
soo pls keyh dear fren?
whatever happends, its possible between you and ur admirer.
to be true,you are like a brother to me kassim.
and i want you to be happy.
i wont like it to see you sad2 keyh?
be strong like me.hehe.
and i miss you alridy seyh.
c u arnd at cemta keyh?
anything text me keyh abg?=))

bby im sorie if i make mistakes and misunderstandings..
i just want you to be happy..
and be by urside always..

it's a success!!

2009-02-12T21:18:00.003+08:00

yippee people!
my fellow tarian members did well for their performance today.
congrats guys.i wish one day we all can go out on an outing.
i knew you guys will go through it easily.
(after a stressful last minute formation)hehe! =))
then after all that, its time to take photos!!!
but sadly all the pics is wit rai2.
i only got the pictures of my bby.
will upload the rest soon i guess.(=

bby with khai!

my bby!

lawa kan my bby.
my very own model.
bby,i will help u to persue ur dreams.
i can be ur photographer.
i love you bby.
and a job well done for your performance just now.=)

2009-02-12T09:52:00.002+08:00

for the past few days, huv been wit my bby always.
but spending a day wit her was never enough.

yesterday i was waiting for her trining for her todays performance.
i was like trying hard to do my maths on my own.
number system.hard eyh!but u know it, u do it. hehe.
at last i got it.frm binary to decimal.decimal to binary.
quite easy eyh!hehe.
then after tarian we all went cafe1 to rest.
me, bby and rai2 ate chendol kosong wit nata de coco again!
hehe!sodap or wat?!?
then otw home, bby went to buy something her mum ask her to.
then sent bby home and i went home.

today, i woke up like early lorrh.
bby called me to wake me up at 5.
then mandi all and met bby at afghan bus stop at 6 plus.
then took a bus and went to tampines inter.
bought breakfast for rai2,atik and bby.
then proceed to school.
today is bby's performance at auditorium wit tarian members.
wish them luck yeah?
Gd luck my bby!and fellow tarian members!
hehe.after school get to spent time wit my bby.
she was like saying,"i ikot you baby!". thats what she will say when i dunnoe where to go.
sigh.but nvm, love her nye psl i will think of a plan and go somewhere.
i miss her lots keyh?
hehe.good luck again my bby.

i love you always baby.
and spending a day with you was never enough.
miss you bby!

im sorie..

2009-02-12T09:49:00.003+08:00

im sorie for how i reacted.
maybe i followed my heart and not my mind.
that is why i reacted that way.
i just felt confuse, lost and angry.
i don know why.
i shouldnt be feeling that way.
im sorie my bby.
sorie.

i love you and nothing can or will change it.

my performance was a success!!

2009-02-12T09:18:00.004+08:00

heyloo peepool!
last saturday i had my CNY Dinner performance near East Point.
it was such a fun, tiring and my most memorable performance.
i will never forget that day.
Soul Percussion and the Hip Hop dancers are performaing.
we perform after them and it should be around 7.30.
during the hip hop performing, i was like terkejut nmpk rai2,fat2 and atik.
they say they were like running there when they heard the hip hop dancers nye lagu.hehe.
i was kind of nervous during this performing as i will be playing two parts solo.
(scary merry strawberry)hehe!
i was like wishing that my bby would be here watching me performing at this very stage.
hehe.was missing her damn lots at that point of time.
then suddenly she text me saying that she was coming.
(damn happy lorhh!!)hehe.
when she reach there, she called me n i was walking around loking for her.
when i saw her, i feel like opening my arms wide open waiting for her to run to me n hug her titely.(mcm hindustan lah pulak!)hehe!((=
then lps bring her meet the rest, it was our turn to perform.
we all went up the stage and my bby was like standing right in front of the stage.
taking video of us.
i cant stop staring at her u know.
hehe.
then after the performance, its time to take photos!!!
hehe.then we all boarded the bus back to school and bby and rai2 followed us back.
pastukn pastukn.
whime me and bby are walking towardds the 17 bus stop, we saw 17 turning.
ape lagi!kite pon lari lah chasing after the bus!
penat lah seyy.i was like sweating in the bus.
then send bby home and i myself went home.

soul time!!

2009-02-06T14:58:00.001+08:00

today after a long tiring day in school and sports and wellness,
i went to cafe 2 again wit my frens to rest.
then main taiti.
then too tired smpi nak salin pon malas.
but in the end nak kene salin jugak.
nie ngah ader training percussion.
the juniors are training.
mine is up next when they went home alridy.
rehearsals for 2moro Chinese New Year dinner performance at East Point.
the field beside it.
mlm aru alek.
for my friends yang dah terbace this post, sudi2lah dtg support kite ehk?
hehe.ok lah.better get back to training before kene marah.
till i post again.

rindu kat my bby.
padehal dier pat luar ajek.
hehe!

im tired..

2009-02-06T14:52:00.002+08:00

yesterday, it was a tiring day for me.
after a short day in school, i went to cafe 2 with my frens.
we ate and ate. pastu kan.main taiti!!!
hehe. got addicted to it, sort of.
then my bby come and join us after her class.
i miss her lots somehow.
then we all went for tarian while joe and shazni went home.
during tarian, i tried to learn two new dance steps but i cant get it still.
i must slowly get the step as our performance will be next week thursday.
then gedebak-gedebuk lepas tarian, i sent my bby home as per normal.
pastu alek tido.hehe. too tired i guess....
tu je psl smlm.

after one month...

2009-02-04T20:48:00.003+08:00

one month had passed
and we are getting closer
and so do our love for each other
our loves grows as we are spending time together
didnt we realize that one month we have reach
one month is such a short period of time
and i wanna be with you baby forever
loving you is just a thing i love to do
as it makes my heart beats faster
and sometimes slower at the same time
i know, i can feel that you are my choice
my miss right
i want you as my friend, girlfriend, counselor, wife and mum
whenever i need you
i dont want anyone else in this life of mine
i just wanna be with you my baby
you are my air for me to breathe in this world that is suffocating
i love you my baby
and i miss you rilli
i promise to be with you always
going through thick and thin together
and i will never stop loving you

from the bottom of my heart,
Fadzlee
your baby

my com is down...

2009-02-04T20:18:00.004+08:00

Hey people!
im sooorie as my blog is kind of dead for a month!
hehe. my house com down uh.(bodoh lah com nie!)

p.s: i need a lappie!

now dah okay dah.
jgn bsk rosak lagi sudah.hehe.
okay now long story time.hee.

firstly my dance performance was a success.
then we had some fun time in cemta wit modern dance members and after that
had our vocal training with Kaz!hehe. love it!
(ajar lagi tau kaz!)
then the day after we send back the baju tarian at perkampungan.
me, bby, atika, fatris and raihana.
after sending, rai2, atik and fat2 decided to eat at geylang but they waited for
me and bby to board the bus first.
in the bus hor, it was damn hot n cold.(paham tak?lau tak, paham2kn jelah ehk?)
me and bby was slping all the way in the bus till we reach school. cutekan cutekan!?
hehe.we went back to school because i got percussion training and bby need to book
for studio for their tarian trining as they will be having 2 upcoming shows.
(i cant dance with them..sad sad..)

then then lots of things happend..
i got stressed up with my studies and project work.
sigh..maths quite hard okay!
then for electrical installations, the practical was easy.
BUT! not the theory.i don understand a thing and exam is coming in 3 weeks!
need to study study study!!

okeyh.
ape lagi nak ckp.
then i spent most of the days with my bby.
tu pon skejap2.never did we have enough time to spend with toget bby.
even for a lifetime, it wont be enough.

okeyh lets talk bout today..
went to school with bby early in the morning.
meet her at her bus stop as normal and took 12 to school.
its a single deck and was damn full!grrr!
then went for lla.
my group did our lla project wrongly.
WE MADE A BIG MISTAKE!
need to redo everything.
went to cafe 2 to eat after that.
then went straight to MLC to do our project.
there i met bby with her friends also doing their project.
was busy doing project smpi late for class.
go maths class kene celoteh ngan maths teacher.
then after that went cafe 2 with joe to wait for bby.
then we went dwntown east E-hub!
play bowling there but before that saw ida and wan.again!
after that joe went home straight.
and i said something.
bby is mad with me now..
she didnt msg me like how she use to..
im sorie..

hey bby im sorie.
i know i shouldnt have said that
i know you are mad at me and i will accept that
i just cant live without texting you for a sec
i need you my bby
you are the reason why im still breathing in this world
i just wish i know you before anybody else
i just wish you are my first girl and my last
i just wish you know how important you are to me in my life
i just wish to be with you forever
i just wish to be by your side always
i just wish to put a smile on your face always
i just wish you are the first that i have ever kissed
i wish you are the first that i have ever hugged
i wish you are the first that i have said I LOVE YOU to
and.. i just wished i didnt say what i did just now..
im sorie my bby..
i just hope i can turn back the time
im sorie..